As Welcome to Ladyville readers may remember, I recently relocated to a new city. That one change inspired me to make other changes in my life, and one thing I’ve really been wanting to revamp is my social life. I need new friends! Don’t get me wrong; I have friends! Kind of a lot of them, for someone as asocial as myself. There’s never a time that I can’t call up one of a handful of people and make them talk me off a ledge (hopefully not literally), listen to a funny story, or get coffee with me. I’m incredibly lucky. But still, stagnation is something I’m trying to avoid these days, and my friends all have lives, anyway (translation: Cat is in vet school and I can’t make her hang out with me every night). I’m looking to branch out and meet more people, but the problem is this: I have no idea how to make friends. Like, at all. I haven’t really made a close friend since college. I work with almost entirely 50 year old men, and while I’m sure they’d love to grab a brewski sometime, I should probably focus more on people my own age. But how? I’m not in school, either. Help me out, ladies (and gents): how do you make friends?
Speaking of gents, that reminds me of another problem. I have lots of close male friendships I value just as much as my lady friendships, but they are mostly people I’ve known since childhood (or at least high school/college). How does a lady go about making new male friends? Do guys even WANT to be friends with girls they don’t want to sleep with? Am I to believe the gospel of When Harry Met Sally? And how do I talk to someone without seeming like I’m hitting on them? I really loathe shoehorning in a mention of my boyfriend. You know, “Oh, my boyfriend loves that band, too!” It’s always so awkward and obvious, but on one certain occasion when I didn’t drop a casual “I have a boyfriend” because I didn’t even realize a dude was flirting with me, I ended up crying in my car on my lunch break because I’d had to turn someone down and I’d never done that before and it just made me feel so terrible. I would really like to avoid that.
I will accept any and all friends (who aren’t crazy), but here are the specific friends I’m looking for:
-A friend who likes to wake up before 7 a.m. to go out for a very early breakfast. I like to wake up between 5 and 6 a.m., even on my days off, which means I get hungry really early and literally don’t know a single person who wants to go to breakfast with me that early. You guys, by the time brunch rolls around I’ve been starving for hours!
-A friend who likes to drink a bottle of wine and watch Gilmore Girls, because Lauren lives in NYC and I can’t travel there as often as I’d like to do this (twice weekly).
-A friend who likes to sit at a coffeeshop for several hours.
-A friend who likes to go out to a bar, drink several 7 & 7s, then come home and play board games because this is my idea of “going out.”
-A friend who likes to go to boring museums.
-A friend who likes to watch boring documentaries.
-A friend who is down with the idea of “craft night” because there isn’t a single night of my life that I don’t just want to have craft night.
-A friend who wants to talk about Drake for, like, a few hours.
If you know of a way I can meet these people (or if you are these people!!!) get at me. I am a fun lady, I promise! Well, I am a fun lady sometimes. If you are into things like watching documentaries. Okay, so maybe I’m not that fun! Whatever. Otherwise, ladies, what are your tips for making friends? Or do you have these same problems? Let me know in the comments, or e-mail me at welcometoladyville@gmail.com.
Should I offer advice to you, considering the zero friends I hang out with at college? YES, I should. Okay, here are some tips that will get you friend/friends:
-Do not read a book (or kindle) in a social setting. As much as I like to hunker down with a good book this makes you look very unapproachable. Of course the setting, such as a BOOKSTORE, yes, you may read.
-Do not use ear buds in public. Again, unapproachable.
-Stay late after an event, social gathering. This will opt for the initial hang out sesh. I stayed over after a school event and to my surprise I was invited to hang out with a bunch of people, people that I would have never had that chance with before.
-When you do go out into a social setting do not bring your boyfriend ALL the time. Hanging on your man all night will make it difficult for guys and gals to approach you. (Geez, this should be titled “Why you are unapproachable!”)
-Whenever I have the chance I talk to people. I am not sure whether it is my major or my personality, but I always make a point to strike up a conversation with complete strangers. This may sound incredibly scary, but it works! I have met a lot of really nice people this past year just by saying “Hello!” Confidence will be your friend if you let her. Yes, confidence is a she!
In the end, it is about coming out of your shell. Girl, I love you and I hate the thought of sharing you, but making new friends can be really fun. I mean, I haven’t done it yet, but I’m working on it!
“Confidence will be your friend if you let her.” God, I love you.
Um, Chase? For all of these? Chase.
Well, OBVIOUSLY, if only he lived in the same city as me! We would drink so much wine.
Just befriend everyone who works at your favorite coffee shop. You know how I do.
My fool proof method to making friends is to get accepted into a program where you are instantly forced to spend your entire day with 162 other people in one room for 4 years.
p.s. This is also a fool proof method to making enemies.
Dear Kerry, I like several of those things (wine, Gilmore Girls, crafts, coffee/coffee shops, board games, museums) and if I had known BEFORE you changed towns, I would have insisted we do something about this. Hmph!
Sincerely, Jordan