Lady Tip #9: Scarves, Lipstick, and Big Earrings

Hopefully by now it’s become obvious that most of my “lady tips” are really just “human tips.” I mean, we could all stand to bake something for our guests or self-promote. This tip, though, is really just for the gals (or for guys that dress effeminately, which is definitely okay in my book. Do you!).

95% of the time my look could be described as “disheveled.” And that’s being charitable. Sometimes some of my friends will say nice things about my “style,” and it always cracks me up, because typically I’m wearing an outfit made up of something my mom gave me for my birthday, something my boyfriend bought me for Christmas, something leftover from high school, and something I bought from Target 5 years ago. In addition to that, I slap makeup on my face with all the finesse of an ambitious toddler and my hair resembles a bird’s nest. I’m a mess, most of the time.

But here’s something important: with just a few accessories, you can make it look like you’re trying to be disheveled. You know, like you’re a super-rich Olsen twin or a bohemian hipster instead of just a lazy girl who wears the same cardigan every day. All you need is a scarf, lipstick, and big earrings.

The scarf does a couple of things. First, it hides a lot of your clothing. We’re talking a big scarf, here. Big enough to hide a stain on your shirt if you spilled coffee on yourself (not that I’ve done that). A scarf also says to people, “Oh, this? I picked this up when I was backpacking in whatever foreign country people backpack in.” No one needs to know you just don’t have the constitution to backpack.

The lipstick is important and misunderstood. Just by wearing lipstick, you look like you have it together. So few people wear lipstick that when you do, you look like you’re something special. You’ve done nothing but rub some colored goo on your face, but you’re saying to the world, “I’m confident enough to make my lips an unnatural color. I totally didn’t almost have a breakdown in a Target family dressing room while trying to buy pants last night!” Personally, whenever I see a girl with a bold lip, I think, “Now there’s a gal who has her shit together.” You can make people think the same thing about you. Lipstick commands respect, I promise.

And now for the earrings. The bigger, the danglier, the sparklier, the better. They’re just as great as a scarf, and they also distract people. Much as birds are drawn to shiny objects, so too are people to your jewelry. This is especially true of men; they’re like magpies.

A scarf, lipstick, and big earrings…they’re the difference between looking disheveled and looking like you tried to be dishevled.

12 Responses to “Lady Tip #9: Scarves, Lipstick, and Big Earrings”

  1. Jayne

    I completely agree with this look! Anytime I see a gal walking down the street with a large scarf, lipstick and earrings I immediately assume she has money. MONEY! I do this look all the time (except the lipstick; I go for tinted chapstick because I’m scared of lipstick), and it makes me feel financially stable. Though I am jealous of your look, K! You have such amazing hair that the disheveled “Oh, I just threw my hair into a couple bobby pins.” look appears flawless.

    • heykerryann

      I’ve been wearing the old bobby pin look all week because I’m lazy! Haha. Also, you would look great in lipstick! You shouldn’t be scared of it!

  2. Petey

    I love you for writing this blog post (big circle scarves make people think you’re going places, artsy places), but I could kill you for giving away this lipstick secret. I’m always wearing lipstick, because I never have it “together.”

    • heykerryann

      Well, you’re too nice, so thank you. I swear I didn’t write this post so you guys would compliment me. Not that I’d be above that, I just didn’t do it for THIS post. And yes, those bags are big enough to fit another Olsen. Those pictures are from like 2007 or something so I’m sure someone’s already made that joke.

  3. Russel Parobek

    Earrings have been around forever. Well, ok, as near as we can tell, a really really long time. The oldest known earrings are the Lunate earrings. The Lunate earrings were excavated in Ur in Mesopotamia, what is now Iraq (of all places). These gold crescent hoops are approximately 4,500 years old. The earliest designs of earrings were hoops and pendants made of precious metals, most commonly gold, and sometimes bone.^,

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