This is some real talk I’m sharing with you. Like, I kind of feel like my namesake Oprah (no, my name is not Oprah. We share a last name, okay? And, I like to pretend, many personality traits) for sharing such truth with you right now.
I don’t drink that often, because 1) I’m not in college and 2)I need to be as productive as possible and 3) I like to wake up at 6 am for funsies. That being said, I enjoy a nice drink as much as the next gal. But here’s what I do when I actually go out for a drink:
I get one very expensive cocktail.
“But Kerry,” you say. “Why would I buy a cocktail that costs 7-13 dollars when a PBR is $2?” First off, I respect your decision to drink PBR but I don’t understand it. I hate beer. Second, allow me to explain.
Sure, you could buy 5 PBRs for the price of one pretentiously-named, tiny-glassed cocktail. But is that really a better bargain? Money-wise, yes, but think of it this way: fancy cocktails are typically about 95% (made up number) straight alcohol. Have you ever had a Manhattan? You’re drinking straight booze. You are going to feel that drink, like, immediately. But here’s the thing: it’s a clean burn. You’re going to feel really, really good for awhile, but then you’re going to feel just fine by the time you’re evening’s over. You’re not going to get drunk Taco Bell because you will have already sobered up. Do you know what a great feeling that is?
I know not everyone “gets” fancy cocktails. But here’s what I like about them, other than their effectiveness:
1. Much like nail polish, they have fun names. Some favorite cocktails I’ve enjoyed were the Rosemary’s Baby and Reindeer Games. Both of them were delicious AND whimsical.
2. They use the good stuff. Guys, if I wanted to drink $3 vodka, I would go back to college and actually go to parties instead of hanging out in the library on Friday nights. The cool thing about these expensive drinks is they use FANCY alcohol, and guess what? It actually tastes good! I don’t know anything about “good” alcohol, but I know it when I taste it, and there are few things in this life as nice as a truly great whiskey.
3. The details! Oh, is that a sprig of a fresh herb in my drink? Don’t mind if I do! Are things being muddled? Are pomegranates involved? Are there infused vodkas or sugars? Is there a slice of CUCUMBER? All of this stuff makes me feel special, and you should know by now that all I ever want is to feel special.
4. I hate to talk about calories, but…calories. I think beer’s gross, so that’s why I rarely drink it. But also, there’s a reason “beer belly” is a term. If you drink 5 beers, gross. Look what you just did to yourself. That’s a large MEAL.
5. It keeps you in check. Sure, it’s an expensive drink. But after having one $10 cocktail, you probably aren’t going to buy another one. Or at least you won’t if you’re anything like me (cheap). This will keep you from getting too crazy or broke.
I realize that, much like my black coffee advice, this isn’t for everyone. I know not everybody wants or likes a strong cocktail. But this is something I very strongly believe in. Next time you’re out, get yourself a Manhattan, an Old Fashioned, or whatever weird, frou-frou signature cocktail your favorite bar concocts and you’ll feel like the fanciest broad around.