Football!


So I guess the super bowl is happening now. As you could probably guess, I am a huge football fan. The guys in the outfits throwing the ball on the field…totally into it. My friends are always like, “Kerry, we get it, you love football, but can we please talk about something else now?” But with me, it’s all football, all the time. Tim Tebow. Peyton Manning. Another Manning. Drew Brees. Tim Riggins. Those are all names of football players, and only one of them is from Friday Night Lights. Try not to be too impressed. Yard lines. Fumble. Field goal. Penn State Sex Scandal. Rape culture. That is just some of the football terminology I’m intimately acquainted with. I’m sorry for using so many insider terms; I realize this is probably over your head.
Naturally, since I’m such a huge football fan, I wrote this article in my hometown newspaper all about football. “But this is actually more about the marching band and Friday Night Lights,” you might say. Shut up. Football.

Guess Who’s Hosting SNL on Saturday?

Everyone’s favorite average leading man…Channing Tatum!

I’m not sure what it is I like so much about Channing Tatum. It’s just…sometimes I want to eat white bread. Sometimes I want to watch a Channing Tatum movie. Just because something’s kind of bland doesn’t mean it’s not good every once in awhile. I am very excited to see Channing Tatum on SNL because I have absolutely no idea what he’ll be like. Although he was really great in this Dirty Dancing Cinemash with Charlyne Yi. Seriously, I could watch this all day.

I still stand by my assertion that Channing Tatum needs to be in all the romantic comedies. 2012: Make It Happen!

People Like This Were The Only People There

Last night H. and I saw Dr. Dog for the third time. They were amazing, and they looked exactly the same as they did the two previous times we saw them, which was comforting.

They were amazing because they’re always amazing. I know it’s not “cool” to gush about how much you love a band once you’re older than, like, 19, but clearly I don’t care about being cool.
This song is from their new album, which comes out next week.

But that’s not the point of this post! The point is to talk about the people we met (or, more accurately, “met”) last night. These are the people you’ll see at just about every concert, unless you’re seeing, I don’t know, Barry Manilow or someone.

-Elbow Dancer
A man that dances not with his hips, but with his elbows. Much like Elton John’s Tiny Dancer, you’ll want to stay close to him. This seems counterintuitive, as to be near Elbow Dancer is to put yourself at risk of a jab to the face (if he’s taller than you) or the groin (if he’s shorter). But Elbow Dancer expands to fit his space, much like a tampon. You need to stay close to reign him in.

-Pretty Girls
So, so many pretty girls with pretty hair and pretty clothes.

-Guys That Look Alike
Two guys, side by side. Plaid shirts, thick-rimmed glasses, dark hair, same height. Are they brothers? Friends? Liberace-style lovers? Or did they come to the show separately, drawn to each other as if by magic?

-Making Out Couple/Fighting Couple
We’ve all been half of at least one of these couples before, so I’m not going to judge.

-Happily Dancing Beanie Guy
A guy in a yellow beanie hat who dances, even before the show to the house music. As he points to the stage and flails his arms, his friends don’t react. The fact that they’re neither embarassed nor amused shows that this is typical behavior. “Oh, that? He’s just being Jeff,” they say to any onlookers.

-Old Man/Young Girl
This one may be specific to last night’s show.
Him: a cross between Darryl Hall and William H. Macy. Slightly graying hair still has a lot of body. Khakis and long sleeved polo shirt.
Her: Young. Northface jacket. Ponytail.
What’s their deal? Are they father and daughter? On a date? I suggested he was a new stepdad, but H. noticed that he wasn’t wearing a wedding ring. Then I thought maybe it was an awkward first date, but H. pointed out that he was wearing his jacket tied around his waist, as one would never do on a date. He kept touching her shoulder in a very non-fatherly way and they left before the show was even half through. Their love will forever be a mystery to me, so I made up a story to satisfy my curiosity. I imagine Megan (that’s her name) telling her dorm mate she’s going on a date.
“Oh, do I know him?” says her dorm mate.
“Um…” says Megan, brushing her hair. “No…he’s kind of…older.”
Dorm mate looks up from the Cosmo she’s reading. “How much older?”
Megan sighs. “Like 42? But it’s like, he doesn’t seem 42, you know? And Darrell almost never talks about his kids, so it’s totally not even a thing.”
Aaaand scene.

Great Moment in Sitcom History: Stevie Wonder on The Cosby Show

I am not kidding when I say I think about this scene from The Cosby Show almost every day.

This is easily Stevie Wonder’s worst song, right? I mean, the man’s a musical genius, and this is the song Phylicia Rashad has to sing? Which is not to say that I don’t actually kind of love this song. I love it very much, even the terrible “cha cha cha” at the end.