Gilmore Girls, Season 3, Episode 9: A Deep Fried Korean Thanksgiving


If there’s one thing that unites all of us, it’s our love of Gilmore Girls. Young or old, male or female, gay or straight (or middle-aged, transgendered, or bisexual), we can all agree that the witty banter between Loralei and Rory is one of life’s greatest pleasures. Since it is one of my goals to Always Be Talking About Gilmore Girls (ABTAGG), I’m staring a new feature…I’ll be recapping/mostly just rambling about selected episodes of Gilmore Girls. Not in chronological order or any order at all, really, other than just picking my favorites. Also, these aren’t going to be recaps in the traditional sense, in that I’m mostly just going to talk about how much Dean sucks. And how much Dean’s facial hair sucks. And I mean, what’s better than a recap of a show that went off the air years ago? You guys, I already feel like we’re all on the same sofa, watching Gilmore Girls together! It’s a really big sofa. Without further ado, A Deep Fried Korean Thanksgiving.

Watching the theme song by myself makes me feel simultaneously comforted (like I’m covered in a warm sepia blanket) and alone, because I miss having a strong male presence to sing the sassy background vocals. I’ve enjoyed watching GG with my brother and my best college friends, and I find that a deep, masculine voice is the only thing this Carole King classic is missing. And I do mean the only thing, because this is a perfect theme song. I fully expect Carole King herself to follow me wherever I lead (which, for the purposes of this post, will be right into the belly of the Stars Hollow beast. The beast is covered in twinkle lights).

To start with, we’re treated to one of those classic frenzied-Sookie-in-the-kitchen scenes. She roots through garabage! She points angrily! Then Emily shows up and force-invites Loralei to Thanksgiving dinner like a total guilt-tripping B, even though this will be Loralei and Rory’s fourth Thanksgiving dinner. This is a situation that really strains crediblity more than usual. I mean, I get that this is a television show and not real life. I understand that the whole “Those wacky Gilmores can’t stop eating!!!!” is mostly just harmless fun. But four Thanksgiving dinners? Like, really? Alexis Bledel herself weighs less than a large Thanksgiving turkey.

So Rory’s at Chilton and, oh my God, Madeline and Louise. I loved them. One of the things GG did right was not villianizing its sluts. They are just fun, intelligent yet ditsy sluts. Nothing wrong with that. They’re studying cell biology and Louise says the term “Golgi body” sounds “majorly pornographic.”

You know what else I miss? Bangs-less, awkward, slouching, headbanded, backpacked Rory Gilmore. She’s in fine form here. This is not a Rory Gilmore who would date King Douche Logan Huntsberger.

Back in Stars Hollow, Kirk’s “thing” this episode is his new cat, also named Kirk. He’s buying supplies at Le Chat Club, and I have to marvel at Stars Hollow’s ability to support such small niche businesses.

Rory: “He’s always been a cat person, he’s just never had a cat.”

At the diner, Luke gives the girls their “Wednesday special,” which is a French dip sandwich, extra fries, and cherry pie. I’d be willing to bet Alexis Bledel has never eaten a French dip sandwich in her entire life. Remember before Luke and Loralei were openly in love and he just had to do things like remember her sandwiches to show his affection? These were simpler times. Pre-April times. I miss season 3.

At this point, Rory’s dating Jess, who is just the second guy to join the cast of Rory Gilmore’s Terrible Boyfriends. Rory’s in her “don’t kiss me in front of Dean because I don’t want to hurt his stupid feelings” phase with Jess right now. Girl, kiss him while you can. Soon he’ll be off to California and you won’t have a prom date. Jess struts around in this puffy jacket that is probably from Old Navy and they have this exchange:
Rory: “Let’s play it cool.”
Jess: “Hey, I’m Frank at the Sands.”
I’m pretty sure that is the uncoolest, least sexy thing anyone has ever said in the history of the world. God, Jess. Just stop. Don’t get me wrong, Jess is by far the best guy Rory dates, but that doesn’t mean I have to pretend everything he says makes sense.

Anyway. At Doose’s, Loralei runs into Dean and blah blah blah Dean who cares, I hate Dean. More notable is this exchange between Loralei and Kirk, whose cat has taken to attacking him. When Kirk says he can’t ascertain Cat Kirk’s gender:
Loralei: “Here’s hoping your cat exposes itself to you soon.”
Kirk: “From your mouth to God’s ears.”

At the Kim family’s Thanksgiving, we are treated to the lovely Dave Rygalski, played by Adam Brody. I miss Dave so much. Zack was fine and all, but what happened with him was nowhere near as good as anything that could’ve happened with Dave. The main thing I learned from this scene is that Loralei really hates Tofurkey. What did Tofurkey ever do to you, Loralei Gilmore?

At Sookie’s Thanksgiving, Jackson and a group of dudes we’ve never seen before and will never see again are deep frying the turkey, which is unremarkable except that one guy says, “Where’s Jackson? Is he on the pot or something?” The subtitles changed this to, “Is he on the pod or something?” which I actually prefer. This makes it sound like Jackson is some sort of alien life form, instead of just a guy whose only defining personality characteristics are that he grows/sells produce and wants lots of children.

At Luke’s Thanksgiving dinner (which is CLEARLY the best), Luke makes everyone give thanks “that we’re not Native Americans who got their land stolen in exchange for small pox infested blankets.” Gettin’ mad political up in this diner, Luke.

Emily’s Thanksgiving is straight-up terrible, which I mostly say because I hate any sort of meal that isn’t served buffet style, and I mean that 100% seriously. Any meal where you have to pass dishes around makes me nervous. Plus, it’s just a bunch of weird old people.

I would still go to this dinner, if only to hang out with Edward Hermann, light of my life, fire of my loins. Pretty sure Nabokov wrote that line about him, right?

Back at the Kim Family’s Awkward Thanksgiving Dinner, things with Dave and Lane are heating up. I think the Dave and Lane story is approximately 1000% better than any relationship involving Rory. Dave strategically leaves his Bible behind so Lane can run it out to him, and after he says, “Wow, you run really quiet,” he kisses her to the tune of “The Man Who Sold the World.” Is it weird that I find this super romantic? High school me would’ve died for something like this. Probably literally.

Back at Sookie’s, the stress of deep frying drives her to drink and wrap herself in a delightful looking blanket. Drunk Sookie is kind of like if Bill Cosby and Liza Minelli had a baby, and then that baby was an alcoholic.

If you needed more proof that Melissa McCarthy is a national treasure, well here you go.
At the end of the episode, Dean tries to act super threatening to Jess, but I can’t think of anything less threatening. All I can think of is Dean’s stupid facial hair he grows later on. UGH. DEAN.
The episode ends as Loralei and Rory walk home to some strumming guitars while Kirk sleeps in the gazebo, beautifully decorated in leaves and (as always) twinkle lights.
And we all feel comforted. THE END.

YOU GUYS.

I don’t even have television, okay? Like, I seriously don’t need it because I generally like to watch television shows once they’re over and on DVD, that way I can watch them all the way through at my own pace (ahem, Friday Night Lights). But can I just tell you again that New Girl is actually really good? I know you might not believe me. I know you might just think I’m blinded by my adoration of Zooey Deschanel and my weird crush on Jake Johnson, and you might be partially right. It is actually funny, though, I promise, and every episode is getting funnier. Also, I love the sexual tension between Nick and Jess. It’s very Luke and Loralei.

This clip is from last night’s Thanksgiving episode, which got the stamp of approval from two males in my life.

A Letter To You From Truck Nuts

Hey you.

I don’t think we’ve met. I’m a pair of truck nuts. I’d shake your hand, but, as you know, I don’t have hands. Just two bulging, heavy testicles.

No, we haven’t met, but you’ve seen me around. I know the way you roll your eyes as you drive past me on the highway, the way you gawk at me in parking lots, the way you recoil and wrinkle your nose as if I emit the acrid fragrance of an actual, human ball sack. Well, guess what? I don’t. I’m made of plastic, not flesh. Probably. I mean, I’m a man made nut sack, it’s not like I know anything about materials.

I’ve heard what you say about me. I’m low class, trashy, offensive, tacky. But here’s the thing: you don’t know me. Did you know, for example, that I’m available in every color you can think of? Red, yellow, purple…imagine it. A rainbow of truck nuts. Beautiful, isn’t it?

And did you know I’m available in every flesh tone, as well? Race, religion, sexual orientation, country of origin…these are all distinctions that mean nothing to me. Unless you’re French. Seriously, those guys are douche bags.

I like to think that when I’m dangling off a bumper, I’ve got something to say. That something being, “Hey, this truck is a man. A man with strangely small balls, in proportion to the rest of his body, and a man without a penis, but a man nonetheless.”

Next time you see me, instead of rolling your eyes or looking away, give me a smile and a wave. I’ll wave right back, although to you it will just look like I’m swaying in the breeze, jiggling ever-so-slightly just like a real set of nuts.

All the best,
Truck Nuts

Cat and Girl

Way back in my college days, my roomate (heeey, Liz!) bought me an autographed copy of the Cat and Girl book. I immediately fell in love with it and soon after that felt really dumb, because Cat and Girl is an internet comic that’s been around forever and I knew nothing about it. I will never be hip.

Cat and Girl is written/drawn by Dorothy Gambrell (read her interview with Bitch!) and it stars, as the title suggests, a cat (Cat) and a girl (Girl). If you like things like feminism, postmodernism, literature, technology, or pop culture, then you will like Cat and Girl. Basically if you like being smart and laughing, and I would hope you like both of those things, then you will like Cat and Girl. Cat and Girl mentions things like hipsters, The Golden Girls, and Richard Brautigan. This comic is one of my favorites because it perfectly captures how I feel about the orderliness of school lunches.

Dorothy Gambrell also writes/draws Donation Derby, which details how she spends the money she receives in donations. I’m barely being hyperbolic when I say that there’s nothing I care more about than what people buy at the grocery store, and this delivers. Check out Cat and Girl now so you won’t feel as painfully unhip as I do. I’m just trying to help you people out.

Donald Glover OR Childish Gambino OR I Don’t Know What to Think Anymore

I’m a warm-blooded human being, so of course I think Donald Glover is attractive. Let’s not kid ourselves.

He’s got a Miranda July level of productivity and creativity. It’s confusing because he’s so talented and so good looking; there is absolutely no reason he needs to be so good at both, because I’m pretty sure he could be successful on either the looks or talent alone. He’s like if Ryan Gosling was also great at stand up. Not fair and also unnecessary. Donald Glover hit it big with his group Derek Comedy’s Youtube videos, then he wrote for 30 Rock, then he quit to do stand up, then came Community, then came Childish Gambino, then came my deep confusion/attraction.

Childish Gambino makes for a complicated listening experience. This is his latest video, which is both great and creepy. It’s got a real An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge thing going on (oh, did you guys forget I majored in English? BOOM) while also dealing with a lot of other things too.

I’ll be honest. It’s hard for me to accept that the guy who raps lyrics like, “This Asian dude, I stole his girl, and now he got that Kogi beef / My dick is like an accent mark, it’s all about the over Es” is also the dude who looks like this:

He’s no Drake (no one is), but he’s close. CG reminds me of Lil Wayne, but with more highbrow references (Sufjan Stevens instead of Shenaynay, not that there is anything at all wrong with Shenaynay). NY Daily News recently published this article about Camp, his new album, which I’m really excited about. I love this quote from him, taken from an interview on a blog called Poop or Chocolate because, sure, that’s a great name.

Lately it’s been like I have a calling. I’ve always felt like the stuff that happened to me when I was a kid happened for a reason. And I’ve always felt like I had something to say and that what I’m doing is important. And I don’t let anything get in the way of that. If I really want to do something I can do it, and I’ve always felt that way. Never wavered from that. Lorne Michaels once said something to me that really stuck, and I’ve never seen it not be true. He said truly talented people are only faithful to their talent. Which might explain why he has people sign contracts for like seven years. Because if you’re really going after something, if you really have a goal, the only thing that’s gonna stop you is you. What I love about Kanye West is his willingness to be like “Fuck it. I’m gonna do it and I’ll deal with it later.” To take that leap. Because people who are real innovators; your Kanyes, your Michael Jordans, your Steve Martins, your Salvador Dalis, your Jim Hensons; nobody’s gonna tell them they’re too anything. Except for them. And since I have this unique perspective of having seen the world from all these opposing viewpoints, and I also happen to be creative, I feel like it’s my responsibility to expose the dichotomies that exist so there can be dialogue and understanding. I feel like that’s my calling. So what do I want? I want everything. Not because I’m greedy, but so I have all the tools to reach as many people as possible.