Blue Valentine: Haiku for You

Lexie and I had Brother-Sister Double Feature Movie Night last weekend, and we watched Blue Valentine. Afterwards I fell into a deep depression fueled by the squandered promise of love and too much Ben and Jerry’s Bonnaroo Blur. Hoping to make myself feel better, I suggested we make a list of all the couples we knew who’ve been happily married for awhile. This was actually a bad idea, because we only came up with two (our parents and Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson), and one of those couples we don’t even know. I mean, can you ever really know your parents?

If you’re interested in Blue Valentine, you’ve seen it by now, so I’ll spare you my Deep Thoughts. Accept this haiku instead.

This film was too real.
I thought I would cry. Instead
I just died inside.

I learned a lesson
About not getting married
to guys you don’t know.

Also don’t have sex
with Bobby Ontario.
That’s a stupid name.

Oh, Ryan Gosling.
Receding hairline still looks
pretty good, you know?

Lady Jam: Touch Me in the Morning, Diana Ross

I love this song so much I started a Pandora station based around it. Really, what I want to do is just listen to this song on repeat, but the men in my life are always telling me this habit is weird. I can’t help it; when I find a song I like, I just want to listen to that song and nothing else. Maybe “Touch Me in the Morning” will have the same effect on you. Don’t be scared away by the creepy title! This is a desperate song by a desperate woman, and that’s something I identify with.

As the video’s uploader puts it, this is a “deeply emotional song.” Indeed. Here’s hoping it touches you, in the morning or otherwise.

The Funniest Song in the World: The Power of “Hold On”

For ladies of a certain age, “Hold On” by Wilson Phillips is a seminal piece of music. I’m right on the tail end of what I’ll call The Wilson Phillips Movement, but I definitely remember “Hold On” being played when I was a kid and all the girls singing along with it. This song has everything: angelic female harmonies, sassy background vocals, clapping, and some really solid advice.
In case you haven’t listened in awhile, Wilson Phillips implore us to “hold on for one more day and/break free from the chains,” while also posing such pressing questions as “Why do you lock yourself up in these chains?” and “Are you comfortable with the pain?” This isn’t just a song of encouragement and earnest questioning; the Wilsons (and the lone Phillips) also engage in some tough love. “You’ve got no one to blame for your unhappiness/ you got yourself into your own mess,” Chynna Phillips sagely reminds us. Preach it, Chynna.
It was only a matter of time before the women who loved this song grew up and started writing it into their comedy films. Here are three great “Hold On” scenes that always make me laugh. Okay, one of these movies was actually written by guys, but that’s the great thing about the power of “Hold On.” It transcends gender.

Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle:

Because I value honesty, I will tell you that I saw this movie twice in theatres. It’s a little lowbrow, sure! It’s also absolutely hilarious half the time, and I don’t even smoke pot. My Celebrity Crush David Krumholtz has a small part, which maybe influenced my opinion.

Spring Breakdown:

I’ve been telling you to watch Spring Breakdown. Why haven’t you watched Spring Breakdown? Amy Poehler. Rachel Dratch. Parker Posey. Amber Tamblyn. Missi Pyle. Jane Lynch. Egg. Millie. A greater lady-comedy dream team was never assembled. I’ve tried to pinpoint my favorite part of this scene, and I can’t. I love Parker Posey’s admonishing finger-wag, and the way Amy Poehler gleefully shouts Carnie Wilon’s “No, baby!” line.


Of course! Hot damn, Chynna, you are looking better than ever. Bridesmaids is my favorite movie of the year so far (obviously), and this was one of the best scenes. Once at a friend’s wedding, my BFF and I dramatically gesture-sang Shania Twain’s “From This Moment On” to each other in a very similar fashion (I meant every word). She’s getting married next year, and while I’m not exactly promising I’ll do the same thing to “Hold On,” it could happen. Like, if I’m drinking, and the song just happens to come on, and okay maybe I’ll request it. We’ll see what happens in a year.

Ladies (and gents!), I hope “Hold On” has been as comforting to you as it has been to me. Strangely enough, I do feel kind of inspired when I hear it, like I’m ready to take control of my life and get rid of negative habits/influences. I can admit that to you because this is a Safe Space. In case you need a flashback, here’s the original video. Chynna sacrificed a lovely couch to make that vest, the least you can do is watch.