A year ago, when my BFF Cat was planning my bachelorette party, she kept everything about it a super secret. “We’re doing something I’ve never done at a bachelorette party before, and I know you’ll love it,” she told me. So that ruled out a lot of things, including anything scary or embarrassing. We weren’t going to a strip club or taking pole dancing lessons, because I would very much NOT love those things. But then she said something that really threw me off: “When I told the girls about it, one of them said, ‘I’m really excited, but I’m also scared.”
Jessie Spano allusions aside, this threw me for a loop. What in the name of inflatable penises could we be doing for my bachelorette party that would unnerve my friends, most of whom are significantly less terrified of life than me?
Guys, it was tarot cards. Cat set up tarot card readings for all of us.
I’ve been interested in weird, new-age-y, woo-woo, “hippie bullshit” stuff for basically my whole life, so this was like a dream come true. Sure, some people in my life were concerned that a tarot card reading would upset me because I’m “exceptionally vulnerable” but WHATEVER. As one of my friends pointed out, it wasn’t like the tarot card reader was going to use my bachelorette party as a chance to drop a load of bad news on me. That wouldn’t be a very good business model. Sure, I was a little nervous, but mostly I was excited.
On the day of the party, the tarot card reader was late because she got lost. Cat’s place is, to be fair, difficult to find on a map. But, and I don’t want to make too obvious a joke here, shouldn’t she have been able to find it on her own…?
She set up her stuff in the kitchen while the rest of us waited in the living room. We were all at various points on the “I Believe in Tarot” spectrum, from “This is Clearly Bullshit” to “My Heart is Extraordinarily Open to Anything.” Guess which one I was? I just want to take a moment to say, guys, I’m not stupid. As much as I make fun of myself on this blog, I’m a pretty rational, logical person, and I would never make a decision based on anything in my horoscope or psychic reading. That being said, I do take a lot of joy in being open to any and all possibilities when it comes to that sort of thing. Also I do tend to refer to the “universe” a lot, so clearly I was into this.
When I had my turn to go behind the curtain and into the magical realm of Cat’s kitchen, I’ll admit, I was pretty anxious. What if she told me something I didn’t want to hear, and then I couldn’t get it out of my head and it became a self-fulfilling prophecy and my life was ruined all because of a deck of cards? I didn’t know if it was the champagne-based bachelorette cocktails or the promise of my future, but I was feeling woozy.
The tarot card reader wasn’t judgmental, and she had on some very fuzzy shoes, so I felt safe. She told me that my husband was a good person (once again, duh, what else was she going to say at my bachelorette party?) and things were pretty much going according to plan until she dropped a bomb on me. Basically, she referenced a very specific conflict we’d been having regarding wedding planning, the one thing that we’d disagreed about the most. Granted, this was a pretty common dilemma, so she could’ve totally been making it up. That is possible! Then she told me that even if H. tried to fix the problem, he wouldn’t be able to do anything about it, so I might as well stop bothering him about it.
Did I think for a moment that H. had paid off this tarot card reader just to get me to stop bothering him about this? Of course I did. I’m only human, and who hasn’t suspected their betrothed of bribing a tarot card reader with cold hard cash?
She went on, telling me some generic things that I pretty much forgot about right after she said them. I think I’m supposed to follow my heart in my career, or something. Who can say? But then she told me that H. and I would find a new house quickly, possibly within two months. She also said that we would find the house ourselves, and that if someone else (a relative, a friend) pointed out the house to us, then that wasn’t the one.
Really, that could not have been more wrong, since it’s a year later and we are still living in the same apartment. But it’s possible that the move she was referring to could have just been me officially moving into H’s place. I realize I’m giving the tarot card reader a lot of leeway, but much like a certain roguishly good-looking fictional FBI agent, I want to believe.
She told us all that we should keep our readings to ourselves for 24 hours, to let them…I don’t know, sink in or something? I don’t necessarily understand what this part was about. It felt a little, “If you tell anyone your birthday wish, it won’t come true!” Regardless, we basically all broke that rule and shared our readings either immediately after or by the end of the night. I can’t remember if I told anyone about the house thing that night or not, so maybe it’s my own damn fault that it didn’t happen. I really shouldn’t blame the tarot card reader; I should just learn to keep my mouth shut.
Would I get a tarot reading again? Yes. In a heartbeat. It was deeply enjoyable, especially if (like me) you like people paying attention to the extremely boring aspects of your life and asking you personal questions while telling you nice things about yourself. I’ve mentioned this Rookie article before, but it pretty accurately sums up how I feel about psychics/tarot/horoscopes: “I think of such readings not so much as blueprints, with super specific directions, measurements, and plans, but more as maps: They give you a lay of the land but don’t tell you which roads you will choose to take or exactly what will happen to you while you’re there. I then use them as motivators and guides to help me get to where I want to be. If a psychic told you that some outcome you’d been really wanting would come to pass, would you go home and just sit there waiting or it to fall into your lap like a bag of Doritos your friend threw at you from across the room? I wouldn’t be happy just sitting around waiting for them Doritos—I’d want to help ensure that this prediction came true.”
What about you guys? Have you ever had a tarot reading or any other kind of psychic reading? More importantly, DID ANYTHING FROM YOUR READING COME TRUE? Please let me know; I’d love to hear all about it!
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