H. and I are still enjoying our honeymoon time, but I wanted to check in with you guys to say YAY! I’m married! The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of love, friendship, and puking (more on that later…) and I can’t wait to share a ton of weird stories/pictures, but for now I’m gonna concentrate on getting as much beach/hiking/eating time as I possibly can. I can’t say enough about what a great few weeks its been. I’m in love with this photo (taken by our friend Sam during our first dance) and I can’t wait to bombard you with personal details later. Yes, soon I’ll probably be back to writing about Taylor Swift, but until then I hope you’re ready to talk weddings. Love you all and talk to you soon!
Hey guys! I wanted to let you know that I’m not going to be posting on my regular, every-day-at-6-AM schedule for the next few weeks. As it turns out, this whole “wedding” thing is taking up a bit more time than I anticipated. Actually, it’s not so much the wedding itself. The bigger issue is that I have to get a lot of work done for my jobs. Oh, and the mental stress that’s causing me to lose sleep. This is hard to explain to people who aren’t introverts, but the idea of standing in front of 100 people while they all stare at me is making me very, very anxious and it’s hard for me to focus on anything else. Either way, I won’t be gone entirely…I’ll be posting sporadically, and I’ll be back to normal in May! I just didn’t want you to think I’ve grown soft about my Welcome to Ladyville duties.
Also, please continue to pray that I will look exactly like Priscilla Presley on my wedding day. That’s all I want. I have dreams about that eyeliner.
I came across this last night while I was stress-Tumblring at 12:30 a.m. It seemed pretty appropriate, given my situation (again, stress-Tumblring at 12:30 a.m.).
If you understand the internet, then you know who Kelly Oxford is. She’s very funny on Twitter, although her writing career is certainly bigger than that, as she eloquently explains in this blog post, where she dishes out some real talk advice about how to become a writer (which has very little to do with using Twitter and a lot to do with writing all the time). She also just came out with a book, Everything Is Perfect When You’re a Liar, and it’s hilarious.
If you enjoyed the books Bossypants, The Bedwetter, or Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?, then you’ll probably love this book. It’s funny, it’s weird, and it made me tear up on at least one occasion (I’m not entirely finished with it yet, so who knows what will happen). Also it dealt with a few of my favorite topics, including but not limited to:
-Old people. The saddest, most serious essay is about how Kelly becomes convinced her husband will die and leave her alone to raise their children, so she goes back to school and ends up working with elderly patients. If you’ve ever stepped inside a nursing home, then you pretty much know how heartbreaking this is going to be.
-Bodily fluids. There’s a lot of peeing and puking on things. Call me immature if you want, but that almost always means comedy gold.
-Drake. One essay deals with Kelly’s quest to workout so much she becomes attractive to Drake. Who among us hasn’t been there? Well, I’ve been there, anyway. This paragraph in particular made me laugh out loud: “I get through the last minute of the video by imagining Drake in the corner behind me, holding a golden chalice of cognac, saying things like, ‘You thirty-three? No way, girl! DAYUM DAT ASS!!’ and totally asking me out on a date and then showing up as his character from Degrassi, Wheelchair Jimmy.”
Be sure to take them outside when it’s extremely cold and windy. This will make your fingers go numb and you’ll have to wear a hat so your hair won’t constantly cover your face.
Make sure your partner hates having his/her photo taken. It will be extra special when you know for sure how much s/he detests you for making him/her go through this. Whenever you look at your photos in the future, you can think about how s/he was muttering, “I’m so cold. I hate this,” the entire time.
Wear a leopard print coat and a hat with a feather in it. Just do it. I don’t care if you’re a woman or a man or if you hate leopard print or think you can’t wear hats. This is the new engagement photo look! Trust me.
Make sure the hat kind of hangs on your head in a way that makes it look like you have a deflated bouffant.
Get your brother to take your photos so you can inconvenience yet another family member with your wedding that’s taking up everyone’s lives.
When you’re really cold and hungry afterwards, go to a restaurant that serves meatloaf sandwiches on biscuits (this one’s a serious tip. Probably you should do this).