Posts Tagged: creativity

Lady Tip: Only Hang Out With Hard Workers

You know how it’s kind of a thing for newspaper trend pieces to talk about how 20 somethings are so lazy? And how they rely on their parents and are really entitled and blah blah blah Girls or something? I’m getting pretty tired of those articles, because seriously, I realized recently that all of my close friends are incredibly hard workers.

As you probably know, my BFF is in vet school, which is pretty damn difficult last time I checked. Another one of my close friends is a freelancer who’s always working. Other friends of mine have one or two jobs while they’re in grad school, or they have two jobs while being a single mom, or they have a job while spending all their free time pursuing a creative passion on the side.

In my opinion (because what is this blog about, if not my opinions?), those are the best kind of friends to have. The people who are always working themselves to the bone to do what they love. Most of my friends aren’t writers, and some of them have careers I can’t even begin to understand (again, vet school! There’s a lot of science involved!), but it really doesn’t matter. Just the act of being around people who are passionate, driven, and hard working is the best thing you can do for your own work ethic. When I go home after an evening of talking to my friends, I always feel inspired, energized, and ready to work.

I’m not saying you should ditch a friend if his or her only hobby is watching TV. I mean, I love TV, too! I’m about to dive into this week’s New Girl while I go to town on a plate of chicken strips. But the more time you spend with people who can’t stop talking about how excited they are to do what they do, the better your own work will be.

How to Find Time for Writing When You Have a Day Job

jean harlow typewriter
Face it: very few writers are able to make a living on writing alone. This fact used to depress me when I heard it in college. How could these brilliant artists have to suffer the indignity of moonlighting as teachers, technical writers, or office assistants? What hope was there for any of us when even serious writers couldn’t make bank?

Now I realize that this is actually encouraging. Writers aren’t some rarefied breed…any of us, even those of us with day jobs, can be writers! We are not all Jonathan Franzen (and thank God for that). Writers don’t all sit in some immaculate home office all day and type from sun up till sun down. Writing isn’t just for the rich…it’s for all of us! Even us working slobs!

Of course, this brings up a question that people sometimes (okay, like two times) ask me: How do you find time for writing when you have a day job?

To be honest, I don’t have a great answer to that one. I constantly feel like I’m not getting enough done. Between my day job, my blog, my freelance writing, and, oh yeah, that book I’m writing, it seems like there’s more work than I can ever possibly do. I feel guilty ever spending a second not working, and my way of dealing with guilt is by wasting time (I didn’t say I made sense). I’m not perfect, but I can tell you what I do to get a decent amount of writing work done while still clocking in at my 9-5 gig everyday.

1. You don’t find time, you make time.
Okay, I know this is a dumb saying, but it’s true. We all have the same 24 hours in a day. You’re not just going to magically stumble on another secret hour you can use to write. You have to make that time yourself. You can do it by waking up early, staying up late, or just spending the time you’d normally spend watching television on writing.

2. You have to sacrifice something (and that’s okay).
I’ll admit, I don’t really understand the concept of balance. If you want to pursue anything creative while you have a day job, your life isn’t going to be balanced. Something has to go. It’s up to you to decide what to jettison. This is going to make me sound like a crazy asocial weirdo, but I have almost no social life, which is great for writing. I have wonderful friends, don’t get me wrong, but I’ve never really enjoyed going out. Typically when I get home from work, I have dinner with my fella, then I get to writing or reading. Every night. It’s not “exciting,” per se, but it’s the life I want. If your social life is super important to you, then find something else you can cut out! Is it TV? Is it sleep (okay, don’t cut out sleep, but think about how much you actually need)? There’s probably something taking up your precious time that you can cut out.

3. You have to let yourself do it.
I’m my own biggest obstacle. My self-doubt and laziness are always what get in my way, and I know a lot of writers are the same way. It’s impossible to ever get anything done if you don’t admit to yourself that what you’re doing is worth doing. If it’s important to you, then it’s worth doing. It can seem like a waste of time to do something that makes little or no money, but doing what you want to do with your life is never a waste of time.

4. Cut out the distractions. I’m still trying to figure out how to do this one. I don’t watch a lot of TV or go out, but I do have an internet addiction. As I wrote this post, I checked Facebook, Twitter, and Tumblr. Wasting time isn’t cute, and it’s a struggle for me. One thing that works is using Freedom. Seriously, I can’t recommend it enough. It disables your internet for a predetermined amount of time, meaning you can’t refresh Tumblr or Facebook stalk someone you hate. You have to write. I’m also a fan of writing in a notebook, that way I can’t get distracted by everything else on my computer.

5. Sometimes, you need a break. Okay, I know I said earlier that you need to sacrifice and cut out distractions and blah blah blah. That’s all true. But sometimes, you really do need to go out for drinks with your ladyfriends or watch a movie or make a really elaborate meal. Consuming art, creating things with your hands, or engaging in interesting conversations will only help your work! You need to fill up the well (The Artist’s Life reference alert!) and recharge.

6. Write down the ideas when you have them. Carry a notebook (or use your iPhone) and write down the ideas, phrases, etc. you think of throughout the day. You’ll forget them otherwise. Even if you think you won’t, you will! Personally, I get a lot of inspiration for new pieces when I’m working on something else (it’s weird how the brain works!), but I can’t just drop what I’m doing at my job and start working on writing. So I make a note to myself and come back to it later on when I’m home.

7. Get a ritual. Sara Zarr talked about this a little on her podcast, This Creative Life. Her ritual when she got home from her day job used to be having a glass of wine and a cigarette. It helped her mark the transition from day job to writer. I’m not suggesting your ritual involve cigarettes, but it can help to have something you always do while writing. Lighting a specific candle, drinking coffee, or listening to a certain album or Pandora station can all help. Or maybe putting on the newest Taylor Swift album and listening to it on repeat (that one may be a personal example).

8. Get a job you like or a job that’s easy, but don’t get a job you hate. Nothing will sap your creative energy like a negative work environment. If you wake up dreading work and grumble and complain your way through the day, you probably won’t be super excited or motivated to work when you get home. And if you have bad coworkers, you’ll spend precious energy hating them that could much better directed towards your work. If you have a job you like, you’ll mostly wake up happy(ish), you’ll enjoy yourself during the day (or night), and you’ll come home in a good mood with a good attitude. I love my day job, and I love having a chance to flex different muscles during the day. It doesn’t drain me or depress me, so when I come home, I’m ready to work on something else.
And if you have a job that’s easy, even if you don’t like it all that much, at least it won’t take up a lot of mental space, which will give you time to daydream about writing. And sometimes you’ll even be able to write on the job (but I wouldn’t recommend this for a job you care about! Do this only if you’re at a truly dead end job!).
Obviously, you can’t always help what job you have. You know your work situation better than I do, and you know if this crappy job is truly your only option. But if you’re just hanging onto a bad job because of fear or a sense of obligation and you sense it’s hampering your ability to create, by all means, get out now!

9. Don’t let yourself make any excuses.
So maybe you have a day job. Maybe you’re a mom. Maybe you have two jobs and you’re a mom. It doesn’t matter. Always remember that someone out there who’s busier than you is doing more work than you. That’s a fact I have absolutely no evidence to back up, but I believe it. Excuses just let you give up before you even tried. Even if you only have 15 minutes a day, you need to take that 15 minutes and use it and not complain that you don’t have more. Nothing good ever comes to people who spend their time complaining about all the breaks they don’t have. Sure, maybe you don’t have a trust fund so you can’t just stay home in your yoga pants all day and write, but you know what? Very few people have that. Don’t let yourself make any excuses. None! If you’re reading this and you want to write, you can do it. This is another dumb cliche, but you’re the only one standing in your way.

10. Don’t beat yourself up. None of us are perfect. Some days, you just won’t get that much done. Try not to feel too guilty about it. Start over again tomorrow and get back to work!

What about you guys? How do you manage to write when you have a day job? Let me know in the comments! And as always, feel free to shoot me an email at welcometoladyville@gmail.com if you just want to chat.

What’s Your One Big Thing?

bill cosby decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it
A long time ago, the wonderful Alexandra Franzen had a blog post I loved about curing the muse blues. In this post, she mentioned an idea that really stuck with me…the One Big Thing.

Everyone has one, and everyone is putting it off. You probably know yours without even thinking about it. What’s that One Big Thing you’ve always secretly wanted, the thing that basically haunts you? Maybe it’s moving to a certain place, or going back to school, or starting a big new creative project. The thing you’re always thinking about, but just not doing. We’ve all got one, right?

I’ve been thinking a lot about my One Big Thing. I don’t really talk about it on here because I don’t like to talk about things as I’m doing them. I have a pretty low tolerance for talk-without-action. It’s not a quality I enjoy in other people (do it or don’t, but don’t say you’re going to do it and then peace out), and it’s really not a quality I enjoy in myself. I like to keep my big changes and projects secret until they happen. You know, like, guess what, I’m moving! Hey, I got a new job! PS, I started a blog! Oh, and I’m writing a for a new website!

It’s only in the past couple of years that I’ve become a doer, not a talker, and I like it. I like doing things and having done them. It’s a lot better and more satisfying than talking about doing things or thinking about doing things.

And yes, the weather is quite nice up here on this high horse. Thanks for asking.

The point of this post wasn’t for me to talk about how awesome I am. Far from it. The point of this post is for me to talk about the biggest way I’m failing myself, and probably the way you’re failing yourself, too. Because I know what my One Big Thing is, and I’m not working on it. In fact, I’m constantly avoiding it. What gives?

My One Big Thing is writing a book. It’s probably no surprise if you know me. It’s been my biggest dream and biggest goal since literally before I knew how to write. It’s what I fantasize about when I fall asleep at night and what I picture when I see my dream life. It’s the biggest single thing I want, and it’s the one thing that will make me feel like a huge failure if I don’t accomplish it. There isn’t anything I want more (not even pizza, you guys, and you know how much I love pizza). So…why haven’t I written a book?

Because it’s hard. Because it’s scary. Because if I fail at it, then I’ve failed at the thing I want most. That’s big. That’s bigger than big! It’s so easy to keep putting things off, to come up with excuse after excuse, to tell ourselves we’ll do the work later. But come on. We all know that’s bullshit, right? Why do we do this to ourselves?

I’d started to think that maybe I didn’t actually want to write a book anymore. After all, I’ve got a great job and a ton of awesome freelance writing gigs. Both of those things make me happy and, more importantly, satisfied. Sure, the book would be the cherry on top, but a sundae’s still pretty good without the cherry. I mean, I wouldn’t kick it out of bed.

But recently I realized I do still want to write that book. Or, rather, books. Of course I do! I’ve wanted to all along, but I’ve gotten very good at pushing down that little voice and telling it to shut up. It’s easy to ignore that voice for awhile, but you can’t ignore it forever.

This is my promise to myself that I’m going to work on my One Big Thing. Well, I’ve been working on it, but now I’m going to work on it consistently. And I’m not going to quit when it gets hard, or get mad because it isn’t perfect, or get scared that I’m messing it all up. Because, like my #1 philosopher and life coach Drake says, you only live once. I know he uses that as an excuse to have sex with people and get drunk, but I’m using it as an excuse to write a book. I don’t think Drake would necessarily understand, but I think he’d be proud of me (Drake joke, I’m sorry).

There will always be blocks and there will always be fear, but what I’m learning is that the successful people still hit those blocks and feel those fears. The only difference is that they keep going. They don’t let anything stop them.

So that’s my One Big Thing. Out of all the uncomfortable, weird, feeling-y things I’ve shared on Welcome to Ladyville, this was by far the squirmiest. I do not like talking or writing about my goals in public, but I want Welcome to Ladyville to be a safe space for all of us. A space where we can talk about our goals and hopes as ladies, a space where we can find and give support, a place where we can find and give inspiration. Now it’s your turn. What’s your One Big Thing? What are you going to do to make it happen? Or are you already making it happen? If so, INTERNET HIGH FIVES all around! Let me know in the comments, or, as always, shoot me an e-mail at welcometoladyville@gmail.com if you want to talk about writing, goals, inspiration, or anything at all.

Image via U-Create

Lady Inspiration: Maria Bamford (Again!)


The best cure for creative self-consciousness, creative jealousy, etc. from what I’ve read or what’s helped me — is creativity. So, I write 3 pages of nonsense a day, I’ll commit to a pal that I’m going to write 10 premises and then call them back, I’ll PAY somebody to just watch me practice … just so I can go through a whole bunch of stuff. Just do whatever it is and that seems to shut everything up. But I have a hard time too sometimes — I think everybody does.-Maria Bamford

Lady Tip #11: Don’t Ask, Don’t Get


Okay, I’ll admit that this is absolutely a line I picked up from self-help books. But do you know why it’s such a self-help cliche? Because it’s totally true.

I can’t guarantee too much to you guys, because I’m not a psychic UNFORTUNATELY, but I can guarantee you that nothing is ever going to fall into your lap. You won’t get everything you ask for, but you won’t get anything you don’t ask for. Well, that’s not entirely true. My grandparents have 11 stray cats hanging around outside their place, and my grandmother explicitly told me, “I didn’t ask for them!” But she did put out cat food, which is basically the same thing. So what I’m saying here is that you need to put out the metaphorical cat food for your dreams (your dreams are cats in this example).

You can’t get your dream job if you don’t apply for it.
You can’t write for your favorite website if you don’t pitch something to them.
You can’t get a book deal if you don’t write a proposal.
You can’t get new friends if you don’t reach out to people.

This is something I have to remind myself all the damn time. You have to ask for something to give yourself a chance to get it. Obviously it’s hard (otherwise everyone would do it, duh), but it’s also pretty simple. What is it you want? A great job? An internship? A pizza (this one is much easier than the others)? Just ask for it. See what happens. You might end up with 11 stray cats! I’m sorry, is that not a good enough incentive for you?

Image via Natalie Dee