If there’s one thing that unites all of us, it’s our love of Gilmore Girls. Young or old, male or female, gay or straight (or middle-aged, transgendered, or bisexual), we can all agree that the witty banter between Loralei and Rory is one of life’s greatest pleasures. Since it is one of my goals to Always Be Talking About Gilmore Girls (ABTAGG), I’m staring a new feature…I’ll be recapping/mostly just rambling about selected episodes of Gilmore Girls. Not in chronological order or any order at all, really, other than just picking my favorites. Also, these aren’t going to be recaps in the traditional sense, in that I’m mostly just going to talk about how much Dean sucks. And how much Dean’s facial hair sucks. And I mean, what’s better than a recap of a show that went off the air years ago? You guys, I already feel like we’re all on the same sofa, watching Gilmore Girls together! It’s a really big sofa. Without further ado, A Deep Fried Korean Thanksgiving.
Watching the theme song by myself makes me feel simultaneously comforted (like I’m covered in a warm sepia blanket) and alone, because I miss having a strong male presence to sing the sassy background vocals. I’ve enjoyed watching GG with my brother and my best college friends, and I find that a deep, masculine voice is the only thing this Carole King classic is missing. And I do mean the only thing, because this is a perfect theme song. I fully expect Carole King herself to follow me wherever I lead (which, for the purposes of this post, will be right into the belly of the Stars Hollow beast. The beast is covered in twinkle lights).
To start with, we’re treated to one of those classic frenzied-Sookie-in-the-kitchen scenes. She roots through garabage! She points angrily! Then Emily shows up and force-invites Loralei to Thanksgiving dinner like a total guilt-tripping B, even though this will be Loralei and Rory’s fourth Thanksgiving dinner. This is a situation that really strains crediblity more than usual. I mean, I get that this is a television show and not real life. I understand that the whole “Those wacky Gilmores can’t stop eating!!!!” is mostly just harmless fun. But four Thanksgiving dinners? Like, really? Alexis Bledel herself weighs less than a large Thanksgiving turkey.
So Rory’s at Chilton and, oh my God, Madeline and Louise. I loved them. One of the things GG did right was not villianizing its sluts. They are just fun, intelligent yet ditsy sluts. Nothing wrong with that. They’re studying cell biology and Louise says the term “Golgi body” sounds “majorly pornographic.”
You know what else I miss? Bangs-less, awkward, slouching, headbanded, backpacked Rory Gilmore. She’s in fine form here. This is not a Rory Gilmore who would date King Douche Logan Huntsberger.
Back in Stars Hollow, Kirk’s “thing” this episode is his new cat, also named Kirk. He’s buying supplies at Le Chat Club, and I have to marvel at Stars Hollow’s ability to support such small niche businesses.
Rory: “He’s always been a cat person, he’s just never had a cat.”
At the diner, Luke gives the girls their “Wednesday special,” which is a French dip sandwich, extra fries, and cherry pie. I’d be willing to bet Alexis Bledel has never eaten a French dip sandwich in her entire life. Remember before Luke and Loralei were openly in love and he just had to do things like remember her sandwiches to show his affection? These were simpler times. Pre-April times. I miss season 3.
At this point, Rory’s dating Jess, who is just the second guy to join the cast of Rory Gilmore’s Terrible Boyfriends. Rory’s in her “don’t kiss me in front of Dean because I don’t want to hurt his stupid feelings” phase with Jess right now. Girl, kiss him while you can. Soon he’ll be off to California and you won’t have a prom date. Jess struts around in this puffy jacket that is probably from Old Navy and they have this exchange:
Rory: “Let’s play it cool.”
Jess: “Hey, I’m Frank at the Sands.”
I’m pretty sure that is the uncoolest, least sexy thing anyone has ever said in the history of the world. God, Jess. Just stop. Don’t get me wrong, Jess is by far the best guy Rory dates, but that doesn’t mean I have to pretend everything he says makes sense.
Anyway. At Doose’s, Loralei runs into Dean and blah blah blah Dean who cares, I hate Dean. More notable is this exchange between Loralei and Kirk, whose cat has taken to attacking him. When Kirk says he can’t ascertain Cat Kirk’s gender:
Loralei: “Here’s hoping your cat exposes itself to you soon.”
Kirk: “From your mouth to God’s ears.”
At the Kim family’s Thanksgiving, we are treated to the lovely Dave Rygalski, played by Adam Brody. I miss Dave so much. Zack was fine and all, but what happened with him was nowhere near as good as anything that could’ve happened with Dave. The main thing I learned from this scene is that Loralei really hates Tofurkey. What did Tofurkey ever do to you, Loralei Gilmore?
At Sookie’s Thanksgiving, Jackson and a group of dudes we’ve never seen before and will never see again are deep frying the turkey, which is unremarkable except that one guy says, “Where’s Jackson? Is he on the pot or something?” The subtitles changed this to, “Is he on the pod or something?” which I actually prefer. This makes it sound like Jackson is some sort of alien life form, instead of just a guy whose only defining personality characteristics are that he grows/sells produce and wants lots of children.
At Luke’s Thanksgiving dinner (which is CLEARLY the best), Luke makes everyone give thanks “that we’re not Native Americans who got their land stolen in exchange for small pox infested blankets.” Gettin’ mad political up in this diner, Luke.
Emily’s Thanksgiving is straight-up terrible, which I mostly say because I hate any sort of meal that isn’t served buffet style, and I mean that 100% seriously. Any meal where you have to pass dishes around makes me nervous. Plus, it’s just a bunch of weird old people.
I would still go to this dinner, if only to hang out with Edward Hermann, light of my life, fire of my loins. Pretty sure Nabokov wrote that line about him, right?
Back at the Kim Family’s Awkward Thanksgiving Dinner, things with Dave and Lane are heating up. I think the Dave and Lane story is approximately 1000% better than any relationship involving Rory. Dave strategically leaves his Bible behind so Lane can run it out to him, and after he says, “Wow, you run really quiet,” he kisses her to the tune of “The Man Who Sold the World.” Is it weird that I find this super romantic? High school me would’ve died for something like this. Probably literally.
Back at Sookie’s, the stress of deep frying drives her to drink and wrap herself in a delightful looking blanket. Drunk Sookie is kind of like if Bill Cosby and Liza Minelli had a baby, and then that baby was an alcoholic.
If you needed more proof that Melissa McCarthy is a national treasure, well here you go.
At the end of the episode, Dean tries to act super threatening to Jess, but I can’t think of anything less threatening. All I can think of is Dean’s stupid facial hair he grows later on. UGH. DEAN.
The episode ends as Loralei and Rory walk home to some strumming guitars while Kirk sleeps in the gazebo, beautifully decorated in leaves and (as always) twinkle lights.
And we all feel comforted. THE END.