I spend so much time worrying about Holly Madison. If you’re completely unfamiliar with the world of reality TV and Playboy, Holly Madison was a star of The Girls Next Door, a reality show about the cast of women who had sex with Hugh Hefner in exchange for a place to stay. The show’s main audience was my mother, and also me whenever I was visiting. The Girls Next Door was a weird show in that it was surprisingly not dramatic. Its purpose, kind of like Sister Wives, seemed mainly to show us that the stars did not live a crazy, nontraditional lifestyle (even though they totally, totally did). I mean, a good portion of the show dealt with the girls going to bridge night at the Playboy mansion’s secretary’s house. While there were any number of platinum tressed ladies offering themselves to Hugh at any given moment, Holly was the main squeeze. Holly eventually left the mansion because Hugh Hefner wouldn’t marry her, and call me naive, but I really believe that she wanted to marry him. In a classic dude move, Hugh Hefner proposed to someone else, like, a minute after she broke up with him.
I started thinking about Holly Madison again recently when I was visiting my parents and Alex and I caught an episode of Kendra’s new show, Kendra on Top. Kendra is, of course, another grown woman who made the decision to live with a decrepit old man and several other women who were also having sex with him. I guess Kendra and Holly are “friends,” as much as you can be friends with someone who shares what is surely your sordid bacchanalian past. Anyway, you’ll be happy to know that Kendra on Top is a “rebooty-ing” (WE’s terminology,not mine. Although I may adopt that word for my daily speech, I don’t know) of her old show, which I think was just called Kendra. But this isn’t about Kendra, you guys, although I could talk/write about her for hours (okay, just one thing: Kendra told her manager that she watched The Iron Lady and now she wants to be like Margaret Thatcher. I CAN’T EVEN HANDLE IT). This is about how Holly showed up in a vaguely nautical dress and talked to Kendra about her new home’s decor and how she feels “weird” going to visit Hef now. And all of this just made me start to worry about Holly Madison again.
I honestly like Holly Madison and wish her nothing but the best. She seems like a genuinely nice person, she has a good head on her shoulders, she knows when to throw in the towel, and she kind of looks like Gwen Stefani. I don’t necessarily know how “smart” she is or how many “books” she’s read, and I’m pretty sure that her lifestyle for years was basically prostitution or, at best, simply a terrifically weird, antiquated, dangerous way to live. I’m certainly NOT saying she’s an Inspirational Lady or that I want to be like her in any way. At all. Ever. I just really hope she’s happy, you guys. Look at her with that parrot! That parrot is probably much less afraid of commitment than Hugh Hefner.