You know them. Maybe you sat by them in high school or college. Maybe you work with them. Maybe your boyfriend is friends with them. Maybe, God forbid, you are one of them. I’m talking about girls who hate girls.
Girls who hate girls will say any one of the following things:
“I just don’t get along with girls.”
“Girls don’t like me.”
“I’m not like other girls/I don’t have anything in common with girls.”
“I get along better with guys.”
“Girls are just too much drama.”
Ladies, if you hear another lady say any of these things, run. Do not attempt a friendship or an intervention. When a girl openly admits that half the population doesn’t like her, that’s a red flag you should pay attention to. It’s like someone who’s had 7 failed marriages and is just like, “7 duds? What’s wrong with men!?” At some point, you need to take responsibility for your actions. And if you can’t get along with any other woman, then chances are…it’s not them, it’s you.
These girls are fond of saying they’re “not like other girls.” By this they, of course, mean they’re better than other girls. They don’t care about that stupid girl stuff. Well, guess what, ladies? I’ve got news for you. Unless you have a penis, you are a lot like other girls. These girls are desperate to position themselves as an “other,” and they want to maintain the illusion that their interests make them special and unique. Sure, you might enjoy watching football, playing video games, and drinking beer, but you know who else enjoys those things? Lots of other girls! Women who say these things usually don’t want to be friends with anyone who doesn’t want to sleep with them. They like the attention they get from men, and they don’t want to share that attention with anyone.
One of the stupidest things I hear these girls say is that “girls just have too much drama.” Usually they’ll punctuate this statement with an eye-roll and a sigh. Here’s a guarantee: these girls are always the ones that will talk shit about you, thus starting some “drama” that they can complain about to their dude friends later when you aren’t around. Logically, “girls have too much drama” isn’t a very sound argument. As a lady myself, I keep my life largely “drama”- free by avoiding negative people, trying to be honest, and heeding the advice of Mary J. Blige. I’d say the same is true for most of my lady friends, and that’s probably why we’re friends. In my experience, groups of dudes have just as much (if not more) petty backstabbing bullshit. Some of the worst gossipers I’ve known have been men.
One simple fact remains: if you can’t get along with half the population, that is your problem, not every girl’s problem. Listen, as I’ve mentioned on this blog before, I live an incredibly male-dominated life. I have brothers, no sisters. I spend most of my time with my boyfriend. My dad taught me about menstruation. I’ve always had male friends (okay, aside from 3rd-8th grade, when my social awkwardness took over and I was unable to talk to any man I wasn’t related to by blood or marriage). Some of my best friends are male. My workplace is 95% male, and so is the industry I work in (that’s a statistic I just made up!) Does that make me any better than other girls, or even any different? No! If anything, the male influence in my life causes me to seek out female companionship. My female friendships are some of my most important relationships, and my lady friends are some of the smartest, funniest, and most interesting people I know. There’s a reason we love shows like The Golden Girls, Girlfriends, and Sex and the City; they represent an ideal of close, supportive female friendship, the type that endures through romantic obstacles, career ups and downs, and really unfortunate cowl neck sweaters (that last one is mostly about Golden Girls).
While I definitely don’t buy into the heteronormative idea that women are supportive/nurturing while men aren’t (if a man is really a close friend of yours, you should be able to deal with the squishy stuff like “feelings”), I do think that the energy in a group of women is different than in a group of men. Duh. When I’m around any of my accomplished, intelligent, motivated, compassionate lady friends, I feel inspired. Most importantly, no matter how close you are to a guy, he’ll never be able to recommend a really awesome gyno, spot you a tampon, or just, like, talk about fertility/UTIs/birth control method pros and cons for a few hours.
If you know a girl who hates girls, remember: it’s not you, it’s her. Don’t sink to her level and trash talk her, because you’ll be playing right into her games. And if you are a girl who hates girls, stop it! Wouldn’t you rather have women as allies, instead of enemies? Close female friends will be your support system for life, travel down the road and back again, be your pal/confidante, etc.