Well, the time has come, y’all…the time to talk about my favorite movie since I was 14, Pretty in Pink. Pretty in Pink has it all: a luminous Molly Ringwald, a bolo-wearing Jon Cryer, an Otis-Redding lipsync scene, Harry Dean Stanton as a tough-but-tenderhearted dad, James Spader as someone I’m very attracted to even if confuses me, SO MUCH NEW ORDER, a prom, and one truly terrible prom dress.
Yes, this is a perfect movie. Let’s get to it.
So our girl Andie is poor, which we know because she’s always telling us and also her dad doesn’t have a job. How do they have any money, then? Whatever, don’t worry about it. Just know that Andie may be poor, but she still has the sweetest car ever.
She also has a best friend named Duckie, who was actually my dream dude in high school. All I wanted was a boyfriend who was nerdy, wore mismatched plaids, and was TOTALLY OBSESSED WITH ME.
I can see why Duckie loves Andie so much. The girl has unique fashion sense for days. She can sew and put together any number of volcanic ensembles from her seemingly unlimited supply of vests and lace.
But while Andie may look great and have the unending love of one tiny man, things are not perfect for her. The rich kids are always making fun of her. Mostly Steff, who seemingly wants to mock her and sleep with her. You would, Steff. You would.
There’s a reason this picture is my Twitter header, and that’s because it’s PERFECT.
Steff is a huge asshole constantly, but that doesn’t stop me from being sort of in love with him. Who wouldn’t love a guy like this?
THE LANGUAGE OF LOVE!
But forget about Steff. He’s not the rich guy for Andie. That would be Blane, who’s played by Andrew McCarthy with an affectless, detached, eye-twitching boredom that I find completely intoxicating. He has wavy hair, a weak chin, billowing khakis and I can’t get enough of him. Also he flirts with Andie by performing the weirdest computer chat I’ve ever seen. What sort of technology is this? All I know is that when he pops up over that partition, my heart just about explodes.
If you haven’t caught on yet, I have a crush on every male in this movie. Even (ESPECIALLY) Harry Dean Stanton.
Anyway, Blane asks Andie out, and he picks her up at the amazing record store she works at, Trax (which, btw, is run by Annie Potts in what’s probably her single greatest role, EVEN BETTER THAN DESIGNING WOMEN and she was a force of nature in Designing Women). Naturally, Duckie is pissed, and this leads to a monologue that I’ve definitely memorized, which entails him shouting, “Blane? BLANE? That’s a major appliance, that’s not a name!” You’d be surprised how often you can work that one into conversation. Andie going on a date is especially hard because Duckie just performed his classic “Try A Little Tenderness” dance, which is probably one of the greatest moments ever captured on film. So everyone’s sad.
Andie doesn’t get along with Blane’s friends (mostly Steff) and Blane doesn’t get along with Andie’s friends. Will they work it out?! Well, they definitely will have a dramatic kiss in front of some headlights.
But because Blane’s moral character is as weak as his chin, he backs out of taking Andie to prom. Which leads to ANOTHER one of my favorite scenes, which I call the “What about prom, Blane?” scene. It’s where Andie drops one, perfectly placed f-bomb and Blane cries and I’m in dramatic heaven.
Basically, don’t mess with Andie.
So then Andie takes two perfectly fine prom dresses and, during a wonderful montage set to a New Order song, makes one hideous prom dress out of them. But guys, she is so strong.
Andie goes to prom by herself because she is a badass, but guess who’s there waiting for her? That’s right. THE DUCKMAN.
I know I’ve said this before, but this is actually my favorite scene. When she first sees Duckie? Ugh, I’m toast.
But don’t get too attached to Duckie, okay? Because Blane’s there, and he’s wearing a truly tragic white tuxedo, and he looks very gaunt because this ending was a reshoot and Andrew McCarthy had already lost a lot of weight for another role. But is he still sort of a babe? Yes. He tells Steff off and then mumbles what I think is supposed to be a romantic speech to Andie.
And then they have another dramatic kiss in the parking lot. Romance!
And then I sigh longingly.
We can all agree that Pretty in Pink is the perfect movie, right? No other film has as much James Spader and New Order. If you haven’t seen Pretty in Pink recently, give it a rewatch. It holds up…trust me, I would know. I watch it a couple of times a year.
Duckie, take us out!